It’s Been a Minute

It’s been a minute! A lot has happened since my last post.

In June 2024, Dave and I sold the home we lived in for 20 years and moved to an apartment in downtown Milwaukee. Within the months before we sold our house, eldest became engaged and youngest graduated from college. But the change didn’t end there. Eight months later, we moved to San Diego. Once again, we are renting downtown (and we love it).

For years, Dave and I knew we’d move to a warmer, sunnier climate eventually, but in early 2024, we decided it was the year. The move was prompted not simply for the country’s best weather or change in scenery but to help manage my depression. I’ve written a lot about depression, including the impact light and weather have on my mood. We do love the amazing weather in San Diego, but the ability to be outside — with sunshine — practically every day has significantly improved my health.[1]

None of these decisions were easy.  The decision to move meant we’d be moving away from family, and I would be leaving Heritage for a new church. Or at least, I hoped there would be a new church. When we picked the date to move to San Diego, I didn’t have a new position. Even though we made them with free will and excitement, there has also been loss. Even joyful changes carry some amount of grief.

Most people are surprised that we made all these changes — and made them at one time. It was a lot of change, and Dave and I feel brave that we made them. However, I  don’t think it’s that we did them all at once but that we made any change at all.

Change is difficult. Even people who say they like change struggle with uncertainty and doubt. No one wants to make a decision they may regret, but especially when it’s permanent. We can’t buy our house back.

On the way home from worship, I used to listen to the NPR program “Hidden Brain.” I’ve learned many things that I return to in my life and have even used in sermons. One episode that stays with me the most is “Taking the Leap.”[2]

The episode is primarily about the process of deciding to quit. Generally, we take too long to quit things that are no longer healthy, helpful, or suitable for us anymore. Sometimes we don’t quit for very good reasons, but usually it’s just because quitting is scary and difficult. And it’s easier not to.

The guest, economist John List, described a year-long study where they asked participants to flip a coin to make a decision. The participants had already been contemplating the decision and were on the fence as to whether they should make the change or not. Heads, they make the change; tails, they stay the course. As the researchers followed up, they found that after two months those who made a change were happier; even more so after six months. List concluded

When we’re really on the margin and we’re just grueling and grueling over what to do, it’s likely you should make a change taking account of all the biases that humans have, opportunity cost neglect, sunk cost bias, loss aversion, ambiguity aversion, society telling you you shouldn’t quit. Every one of these is telling you don’t quit. So my advice is, if you’ve been on the margin for so long, even with all of these entities, social and private telling you don’t quit, it’s probably better if you just quit. [emphasis mine]

Essentially, there are so many reasons and so much inertia not to make changes in our lives. If we get to the point where we’re sitting on the fence, we should hop over to the other side.

Over the years, I have found this to be true in my life and for others. Sometimes it’s true not because the change was the right one. However, it enabled people to be more open to change, including moving on from the first decision to make another that became the right decision.

There are a lot of ways we prepare to make decisions. For Dave and I, the health impact was a big one. We also prepare by learning more, talking with others, and praying. But we also took time.

Dave and I didn’t just talk about a possible move some day. Instead, we began to put concrete images into our conversations to make them real. We discussed how our lives would be different, including the losses. The decision to sell our house happened very quickly, but we had already begun to visualize a different future. While I agree with the study, we also prepared ourselves emotionally to be able to make the change.

Moving across the country is not the right choice for most people. However, what choice have you been considering that requires you to “quit” something familiar? How many pros and cons lists have you made to find them always in balance? What do you keep coming back to again and again wondering if now is the time?

Maybe, the time has come.

Faithful and loving God, you are the Author of all our comings and goings; our past, present, and future; the good times and the bad. There are times that we do not know what to do. We may long for change but are unsure of the right path. We long to be careful but also courageous. Whether we stay or go, may you always be our highest goal. In all things, may we be wise and faithful to your call, trusting in your constant presence with us. To you be the glory, Amen.

[1] I’ll write more about the process of moving another time.

[2] Shankar Vedantam, “Taking the Leap,” May 2, 2023, in Hidden Brain, produced by NPR, podcast, audio, 52:10, npr.org.https://www.npr.org/podcasts/510308/hidden-brain. Sourced: August 29, 2026.