Leadership That Matters

The LORD forbid,” [David] told his men, “that I should do something like that to my master, the LORD’s anointed, or lift my hand against him, because he’s the LORD’s anointed!” – 1 Samuel 24:6 (CEB)

When my kids were little, I sometimes used what they called my “Loud Voice.”  My Loud Voice often came out when we needed to hurry.  Anyone who has parented or cared for toddlers know that “hurry” never has a happy ending.

One morning, I was hurrying us out the door so I could get to work. Having parented for a few years, you would think I would have allowed more time for us to get out of the house.  Sadly – for everyone – this was not the case.

Tired and frustrated, my Loud Voice entered into the fray.  Eldest responded by getting out the door as quickly as he could.  Youngest began to cry.  I looked at him in increased frustration when his words stopped me:  “Your Loud Voice scares me.”

By this time, we were all crying – and very late.  I apologized, gave them a hug and we were off.  But it wasn’t over.

That evening, I sat both boys down and told them I was sorry.  I wasn’t just sorry: I was wrong.  As the adult, I should allow enough time for us to get ready.  As their Mom, I should know how long it takes us to get out the door and into the car.  As a Christian, I should not use my power to make them feel that their actions justify my bad behavior.

It was important that day – and many times in the years that followed – for me to take clear responsibility for my actions and apologize to my children.  I should hold myself to the same level of accountability for my actions to which I hold them.  If I want my children to be better parents and people than I am, I need to model honesty and humility when I’m wrong.

It was important that day for me to take clear responsibility for my actions and apologize to my children. If I want my children to be better than I am, I need to model honesty & humility when I’m wrong. Click To Tweet

This element of leadership is largely missing in the world today.  Most leadership books I read, including those written by “church people,” focus on casting a vision, diagnosing problems, managing different communication styles, etc.  But leadership is more than not taking credit for other people’s good work or blaming them when something goes wrong.  Good leadership includes the courage and strength to confess when I’m wrong and have abused my power.

The caves at Ein Gedi.

That’s what I like about the story of David in 1 Samuel 24:1-15.  David had every right to be angry with Saul and exert his authority.  Kudos to David for not killing Saul in that cave when he had the chance.  Congratulations for recognizing that cutting off a piece of Saul’s cloak was wrong and was done to humiliate Saul.  But the real act of leadership was David’s confession in front of his men.

We are all leaders somewhere because leadership isn’t just found in titles but in how we conduct ourselves with others.  Anyone who stands in line at the grocery store and is kind – even when the cashier is not – demonstrates leadership in their patient humility.

When I have power, it is easy to use it to rationalize my bad behavior and the damage I can do to others.  But this isn’t leadership because it doesn’t value those I’ve been called to lead.  Casting a vision, diagnosing problems, and managing people are all important.  But true leadership, leadership that matters, that shapes our families, our churches, and our communities is born of mutual respect and the humility to acknowledge when we are wrong.  It recognizes our common well-being and our submission to God.

In life, we are often faced with the easy way or what makes us look good.  David’s act of humility set an example of what he expected of his men.  In a culture where strength and power were valued above all else, David chose a different way.  David modeled that in his kingdom, integrity matters.  May we do the same.

True leadership that shapes our families, our churches, & our communities is born of mutual respect and the humility to acknowledge when we are wrong. It recognizes our common well-being & our submission to God. Click To Tweet

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5 Thoughts to “Leadership That Matters”

  1. Muskego Glenn

    Replacing “should” with “could” tends to lesson the guilt associated with our not being perfect parents.

  2. Michelle, I have great news. We’re going to feature your story on Friday, June 20, at 2 p.m, at The High Calling. Congrats! We hope this encourages you in your writing. We appreciate you linking up with us and hope you’ll submit something again in the future. 🙂

    1. Excellent – thank you!

  3. Can you imagine what the world would be like if leaders could appropriately confess their limitations?

    Jørgen Vig Knudstorp, CEO of Lego, has said, “Blame is not for failure, but for failing to help or asking for help.”

    That idea encourages people to understand their own limitations, and confess them in a sense when they ask for help. It also creates a safe place for people to confess their own limitations because their peers will be blamed for “failing to help.”

    He must be on to something because Lego is doing mighty well under his leadership.

    1. An excellent example of positive peer pressure (and good leadership to encourage it). Both in my corporate job and in the church I have said the important thing isn’t to have all the answers. Rather, it is to know what you don’t know and know where to find answers.

      Thanks for the comment Marcus.

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