deep

I haven’t really been feeling very deep lately.  My calendar has been full of a lot of little things, which has left me feeling shallow. The many things I’ve been doing are all important and most of them I choose to do.  However, they mostly require me to just be there rather than to be deeply present.  Or to dig deep within myself to bring something of meaning.

This has left me shallow in my writing, which is not a good place to be as Advent begins and there are extra worship services and extra expectations.  I long to go deep – for myself, for my congregation.  But I’m struggling to get there.  Struggling to focus.

Part of the difficulty is the change in weather and daylight, which also brings on a change in my depression.  It’s not that I’m sad.  I’m just flat – the opposite of deep.  I’m not in pain – just a bit numb.

As I head into Advent, I pray that God will help me find the deep in the busy-ness of my calendar and the extra obligations.  I pray that just as the Spirit groans on our behalf when we have no words for prayer, the Spirit will help me find the quiet spaces where something of meaning will come and that presence won’t just be physical but personal.

And wherever you find yourself – in the deep or the shallow – I pray the same for you as well.

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
            and why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
            my help and my God.
My soul is cast down within me;
            therefore I remember you
from the land of Jordan and of Hermon,
            from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep
            at the thunder of your cataracts;
all your waves and your billows
            have gone over me.
By day the LORD commands his steadfast love,
            and at night his song is with me,
            a prayer to the God of my life. – Psalm 42:5-8(NRSV)

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Today is Five Minute Friday!  Every Friday, a new prompt and five-minute free write.  You can read more here.