God! My God! It’s you — I search for you! My whole being thirsts for you! My body desires you in a dry and tired land, no water anywhere. – Psalm 63:1 (CEB)
I can think of a lot of reasons why I’m tired; the most obvious being because I get up every day at 5:20 am.
After a few warm days, we got a couple of inches of snow this week. I’m tired of winter.
I hear the news about funding to arm teachers in schools but ignoring the need to fund school psychologists, after school programs, and lunch subsidies. I’m tired of inaction.
Each week I prepare to write prayers of the people, and it is hard to find new words for the same petitions. I’m tired of thoughts and prayers.
When I’m too tired, I can choose to sleep in, stay home in my warm house, turn off the news, or find a prayer someone else has written.
It is a privilege to be tired.
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Five minutes are up. Even that is somewhat of a privilege to be able to just stop writing and not remain in a place where I try to find the words for what I feel. There is ease in not having to find a conclusion to what I am trying to say. But it is not satisfying. Maybe being tired – or being at a loss for words, ideas, or optimism – is a necessary place to stay. To sit with what exhausts me or to be in a position where I realize that I can’t do it on my own may actually be healthy and lead to a wholeness that I cannot find when I seek to just ignore being tired.
This post is part of the Five Minute Friday. Each Friday, a one word prompt and five minutes of writing – no editing or rewording. You can read more here.
I wish I could shut the news off. I don’t want to hear of more chaos, corruption and violence. At the same time, I don’t think it’s wise to be uninformed. Rock and hard place, really. I pray the Lord helps us to make wise choices, to navigate this time.
Tomorrow instead of me leading prayers of the people, we are going to write our prayers in the form of letters to elected officials. People can write to whoever they want on whatever topic.
I guess there is some privileged in being tired, when we are able to take the time and rest and rejuvenate as a result! It reminds me of a time years ago when I had two young kids and my husband and I were supposed to take our youth group to a weekend camping/music festival. We had been so busy with the preparations, life, and work responsibilities that we were struggling to take a breath Then our 6 month old was hospitalized for an unexplained fever and resulting dehydration, there was no way we could go on the trip. We were so upset and worried in the beginning hours, but then, we started to realize that God knew it was the only way to get us to slow down and rest in Him.
Sometimes we are forced to rest – which also teaches me to let go of things before exhaustion takes hold. But I also recognize that there are many people that are tired from working multiple jobs, taking two buses to work, of being a full-time caregiver that do not have that luxury.
I can definitely relate to all these different types of tired. I also wrote about not ignoring our tired. Easy to try to resist its impact but it doesn’t work well! Hope you find rest soon. Your FMF neighbour.